My Story

"There's no way I have an eating disorder", I told my dietitian at Penn State. "I mean, I eat 3 meals a day...anorexics don't eat 3 meals a day right?"

In reality was I was in denial, or maybe scared to admit the truth. During the Fall semester of my senior year I was wrestling with a nasty eating disorder. It started over the summer when I decided to cut lipids out of my diet. Next was carbs, followed by sugar, salt and really everything but fruits, veggies, tuna and tofu. At my worst I was over 20 pounds underweight with virtually no energy to even walk up the stairs. Before ED found me I was a typical college student, enjoying my time in State College. But during that semester I was more or less a zombie. I would fall asleep at 9 and wake up at 5:30- even on the weekends. I became preferred staying in my apartment rather than go out to the bars with my friends. (I mean, alcohol is just empty calories, right?)

It seemed I spent more time in the Student Health Center than in my actual classes. Meetings with doctors, dietitians, and therapists filled my schedule. Weekly weigh-ins became so routine and my numbers (weight, heart rate, electrolytes) were dropping.

I hit rock bottom when I had to go to the ER the night before Halloween. I had terrible pains throughout my stomach to the point were it would have me doubled over, searching for my breath. It was then I realized that I may actually have an eating disorder and battling anorexia.

I spent the next two months at Hershey Medical Center's ED Clinic. My time there was eye opening, and now that I think about it Hershey was life changing. I had an amazing team that helped me along the way. I met countless patients that had similar stories who supported me daily.

After I was discharged I was back in the kitchen- the place where all my problems started. Throughout my treatment I would tell people that cooking was one of my passions. Although I took "healthy eating" to the extreme, I didn't necessarily have a fear for the kitchen. The difference was that during the worst times of my ED I would make plenty of dinners, snacks and desserts for my roommates- however I never sampled any.

I'm still on my road to recovery and I'd be lying if I said this process was a walk in the park. I read somewhere that "Recovery is HARD, but... Recovery is WORTH it!" And it's true. I've come to realize that in order to overcome an eating disorder one must find love for them-self and hold on the positives in their life.

Throughout the recovery process I read many stories of people over coming their ED but using Cooking/Baking as a recovery tool. I once told my roommate, "Cooking nearly ended my life, but now cooking is saving my life". I am proud to say that today, when I cook a meal, I actually eat it too. The goal of this blog is to share my journey of recovery- one recipe at a time. This isn't a cooking blog with low-fat/ weight-loss recipes. In treatment we always hear "Food is medicine" and "Everything in moderation" - these two sayings will be the pillars of this blog.

I come from a long-line of great cooks in my family and some of these recipes have been passed from generation to generation. Pictured above is 4 generations of cooks (L-R: My Nana, my Baba (Great-Grandmom), Baby Alex, and My Mom  

Thanks for checking out this blog and I hope you enjoy it.

And to anyone struggling and/or caring for someone who is struggling: I have your back and you have me in your corner!